


dreaming is free

by candycatboys



Series: nagi's adventures in self-cest [1]
Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Self-cest, basically it's our nagi/the nagi he could've become without haruki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 03:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19939456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candycatboys/pseuds/candycatboys
Summary: Nagi has a very strange dream.





	dreaming is free

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KirakiraDenka](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=KirakiraDenka).



"Just look what you've become."

Nagi's blood went cold as he scrunched up his still-closed eyes. That voice… It was far, far too familiar for his liking, too familiar to be real. The only conclusion he could draw was that he was still dreaming. He realised then that he was drenched in sweat, his arms pinned uncomfortably at his sides.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. 

Looking down at him, straddling his lap and pinning him to the bed, was… Himself. 

Okay, so he  _ had _ to be dreaming.

His doppelganger sneered, looking around Nagi's bedroom.

"What is all of this… You'd abandon your family for this? Your country? What of Brother? Leaving him must've hurt him deeply…"

Nagi flushed at the accusation, only now realising that his clone was dressed in all of his own Northmarean finery. Finally, he spoke up, voice cracked with sleep. 

"I… Doubt that sincerely. Now tell me who you are. As an impostor in this dorm, you are clearly a threat to both myself and my dear friends. As such, I won't hesitate to deal with you accordingly."

His doppelganger barked out a laugh - it was so harsh, so  _ unlike him _ , that Nagi flinched at the sound of it coming from what looked like his own mouth.

"It's as you always say… No-one else could ever match our beauty," he replied, leaning in far closer than Nagi was comfortable with, trailing his fingers lightly down Nagi's cheek in a way that made him shiver. "I'm you. I'm what you could've been, had you never met that Japanese composer."

_ Oh _ . Nagi felt as though all of the air had been knocked out of him. Surreal as the situation may be, that would certainly explain a lot.

Ignoring the strangely gentle way his double touched him, he narrowed his eyes in response.

"I see. What an unpleasant dream this is... So, do you enjoy your life?" 

"Of course I do," his double replied. "I'm loved by many people, and I love them in turn. I live a good life. I feel…  _ Good _ ." He punctuated his last word with a swipe of his thumb over Nagi's bottom lip. Nagi's breath hitched despite himself.

"Is that true, though?" he replied, looking directly into his own eyes. "Are you truly loved? Loved by people who know  _ you _ , and not just the you presented to the world on the covers of newspapers? Are you truly happy?" 

His double paused, eyes flashing with something almost like fear. Like he'd been caught. He didn't reply, letting Nagi's question hang uncomfortably in the air. 

"I remember," Nagi continued. "I remember exactly how lonely I felt before I met Haruki. I tried to deny it. I lied to myself for years, tried to convince myself that my brother's love was genuine, with no ulterior motives. But in reality, I was so lonely, I couldn't bear it." He reached up then, tentatively cupping his doppelganger's cheek, only just noticing for the first time the dark bags under his jewel-like eyes. He seemed to melt a little under Nagi's touch. "I can't imagine what these years must have done to you. You must be so lonely… So lonely you feel fit to break."

Something in his doppelganger must have snapped then, his grip on Nagi's wrist tightening as his face twisted in anger.

"Shut up," he growled. "Just shut up. You can't know… You don't…"

Nagi didn't miss the way his voice trembled, the way his bright eyes went glassy with tears. Maybe it was a strange thing to do - one could even argue morally objectionable - but Nagi hardly gave it a second thought as he leaned in, pressing a soft, featherlight kiss to his lips.

"Of course I do," he replied. "I know better than anyone else in the world. It's okay to be unhappy. It's okay to cry. Even if no-one else is there for you… I'm here."

To his surprise, his doppelganger suddenly slumped against him, burying his head in his neck. After the initial shock, Nagi wrapped one arm around him, using his free hand to gently card his fingers through his hair. He could feel him shaking, his own shoulder suddenly wet with tears. Nagi pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

"Shh… I'm here. It's okay."

~

They stayed like that for a while - Nagi comforting his doppelganger while he cried - until eventually, he stilled, settling in Nagi's arms and nuzzling into his neck.

That was, until Nagi suddenly felt soft lips pressing against his collarbone. He froze instantly, almost forgetting how to breathe.

"H- hey," he stuttered. "Nagi…" ( _ God, it felt strange calling him by his own name.) _ His double just hummed in response, kissing his collarbone again, then his neck, before lightly grazing his teeth over his skin. Nagi's breath hitched as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

"You want this, don't you? I'll make you feel good," his double whispered, his hot breath tickling Nagi's ear in a way that made him shiver. Nagi swallowed, unconsciously baring his neck a little more. If he were completely honest with himself, he'd read doujinshi about this sort of thing countless times, and he couldn't deny his curiosity, but...

"Is that what you're really thinking?" he muttered, his double's fingers dancing along his skin as he smoothly undid the buttons of his nightshirt. "Do you want me to feel grateful to you for doing this? Indebted?"

The other Nagi stopped in his tracks, finally pulling away and sitting up. His eyes were still red and puffy, and something about his expression made him look like a kicked puppy.

"Are you comparing me to Brother?"

"Am I wrong?" 

His double remained silent. 

As much as Nagi wanted to just carry on, feel his own lips on his and his own teeth on his skin, he couldn't let it go. He felt something niggling at the back of his mind - Haruki's voice, guiding him gently all those years ago. He spoke almost without realising. 

"You can't just take what you want as you see fit and expect people to suit your whims. What are you really thinking? What do you really want?"

It was strange. Like seeing his own development in microcosm. He certainly wouldn't be forgetting this dream anytime soon, not when he was watching his own expression change from hurt to irritated, then subdued, as if he'd just had some sort of epiphany. When he did eventually speak again, his double looked almost shy, his cheeks dusted pink. 

"...Fine. I'm lonely. I want to be loved. I want to touch, I want to be touched, I want to know what it's like…"

That was enough, as far as Nagi was concerned. He sat up, pressing their lips together again in an altogether hungrier kiss than before. When he eventually pulled back to breathe, he smiled. 

" _ Okay _ . Well… I may be amenable to that."

**Author's Note:**

> And then, they [redacted].
> 
> Thank you so much to @KirakiraDenka for requesting this!! I had so much fun writing it (and tbh I'm toying with the idea of writing another fic picking up where this one left off)


End file.
